The college application process can be daunting, and in the face of dozens of essays, tasks, and deadlines, many students resort to procrastination, feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to begin.
Upon observing that their student is struggling with a lack of motivation or putting off important tasks in the application process, many parents resort to threats, begin doing tasks on the student’s behalf, or negotiate with their student in a desperate attempt to get them to invest in the application process. All of these approaches inevitably lead to conflict and frustration and fail to empower the student to take charge of their future and goals.
However, there are other ways to motivate your student that won’t fracture your relationship or diminish your student’s confidence. Below are three strategies to help parents empower their student to tackle the application process with self-assuredness and enthusiasm.
1. Set goals & encourage autonomy.
Procrastination is often the result of students feeling overwhelmed in the face of the sheer amount of work ahead of them. Combatting the tendency toward procrastination begins with setting manageable goals, dividing the workload into bite-sized tasks. Parents can facilitate this by sitting down with their student and taking an inventory of what needs to be done along with the deadlines for each task. It is imperative to remember and emphasize to the student that this is their journey, so even as you facilitate the conversation, lead with questions. Ask the student questions like: Which of these tasks is most intimidating to you? How long do you think XYZ will take you? What support do you need to help you tackle XYZ? Let them guide the conversation and encourage them to consider and vocalize their needs. As you identify tasks and set specific dates for each element of the process to be completed, offer to hold your student accountable by asking questions like: What can I do to help you reach your goal?
When you and your student have agreed on clear and measurable goals, write them down on a calendar and place the calendar in a visible location in your home so that expectations are clear. If goals need to be reevaluated or an unexpected change arises, be sure to reflect that change on the calendar and stick to the new goal.
2. Emphasize growth.
Students thrive when they are motivated by encouragement and empathy rather than threats and punishments. Because of this, it is important to incentivize students to complete their application-related goals, taking a proactive rather than a reactive approach. This is only possible if you have created a safe environment for your student to try things out—whether researching a new college, incorporating a new study technique, or crafting a new essay idea—and at times fail. If they have attempted and failed to reach a deadline, write an essay, or complete other tasks on their list, help your student see these experiences as opportunities to grow rather than examples of their shortcomings.
The best way to model this attitude is to be vocal with your student about their strengths and where you see them thriving and growing. In addition, make sure that your feedback is qualitative rather than quantitative. Try not to make everything about the numbers and scores—which can be tempting during a college application process that depends in part on GPAs and test scores—but instead about the student’s authentic learning. Specific feedback goes a long way—for instance, rather than congratulating them for completing an essay, provide more insightful feedback about their process, such as by saying, “I know that you were struggling to think of a topic for this essay, and I am so proud of all of the work you put into brainstorming and trying out different ideas rather than getting frustrated and giving up.”
Once you have communicated your observations to your student, ask them what they have learned about themselves and their needs and what they intend to do differently as a result of their experience. Consider questions such as: “Do you think that time frame was too much pressure? What did you learn in the process?” Finally, express confidence that they can achieve their goals.
3. Set boundaries & invest in your relationship.
Junior and senior years of high school are the precious last years that you will have with your student under your roof—as such, it is an important milestone for both students and parents. In the midst of testing, extracurriculars, college visits, and applications, it is important to intentionally set aside quality time with your student away from the stresses of college planning.
While mapping out the next four years is an important task, remember that it is not the only thing going on in your student’s life. In order to make sure that they are taking time for themselves and that you are strengthening your relationship with them during this time of transition, plan specific days or times that college planning discussions are off limits. Whether a family dinner, weekend outing, or other activity, use the time to ask questions about what is going on in other aspects of the student’s life. Do something fun and lighthearted together, whether as a reward for their hard work or simply an activity that you both enjoy.
Finally, it is important to encourage students to take time for themselves as well, so encourage them to set aside moments for their own relaxation and enjoyment—such as by engaging in a hobby or connecting with friends outside of school—to help them recharge and approach their tasks with renewed energy, focus, and perspective.
Note: This piece was originally published in a different format on LinkedIn.
